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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28611630">gaps of sunlight</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/soggywormcircus/pseuds/soggywormcircus'>soggywormcircus</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>si5+1 [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Wolf 359 (Radio)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>5+1 Things, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Gen, Hospitals, Minor Daniel Jacobi/Warren Kepler, Non-Chronological, Platonic Cuddling, this whole thing is violently self-indulgent</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 05:47:36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>10,810</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28611630</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/soggywormcircus/pseuds/soggywormcircus</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Five times Warren Kepler touches his team and one time he can't.</p><p>Also, reports of Kepler's maiming, stupid questions, a fucking nuclear explosion, very fast succesions of sneezing, and complaining bonuses.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Daniel Jacobi &amp; Alana Maxwell, Daniel Jacobi &amp; Warren Kepler, Daniel Jacobi &amp; Warren Kepler &amp; Alana Maxwell, Daniel Jacobi/Warren Kepler, Warren Kepler &amp; Alana Maxwell</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>si5+1 [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2096493</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>35</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>gaps of sunlight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>1. Denial</p><p>The first thing he hears, or rather, the first thing his mind registers as noise around him, is the steady beeping of the machine. For a second, his disoriented mind is convinced it's the detonator, active and ready to blow them all up, and he's going to need to get his team as far away from it as possible, except he can't manage to get his eyes open, and he can't <em> move </em>-</p><p>But it's not. He's not at the office building anymore.</p><p>He's in a hospital. Isn't he? Wouldn't that make sense? That would definitely explain why everything still hurts, but nothing seems to be bleeding. That would explain why his body feels so heavy that he can barely open his eyes. That would explain the warmth. </p><p>And it would explain the second pattern of breathing at his side, going tired and shallow. </p><p>It's almost funny, the way he recognises Jacobi by his breathing. Kepler feels like there should be something poetic to it, somehow, but he's not the kind of man for that, and neither is Jacobi. </p><p>(Well, Jacobi might be, with the way he puts devotion into every single thing he does, the way he looks at a bomb the way other people would look at a god, and-)</p><p>After he registers the steady beeping of the machine monitoring his heartbeat, and after he registers Jacobi's breathing, the next thing his brain adds to the list of things that are there is the hand holding his. </p><p>That's good, because it kicks something into motion in his brain, and then he's not an injured, tired and disoriented man anymore. He's Major Warren Kepler, and he should really pull away his hand. </p><p>He's awake now, after all, and an awake Warren Kepler would never let Jacobi hold his hand in a hospital. Now matter <em> how </em>injured he is. </p><p>Kepler is the one that does the touching. That's how it should be. </p><p>That's how it should be. </p><p>He hears a door opening, and then there's the sound of steps and Jacobi moves. He doesn't pull away, though. </p><p>Kepler should really pull away his hand. </p><p>'Oh, you shouldn't have,' Jacobi says softly. Kepler hears a scoff. </p><p>'Yeah, right.' That's Maxwell. So they're both safe. That's good. Kepler pushes down the feeling of relief rising up his throat. 'Someone had to make sure you're not gonna pass out as well. Come on, take it.' </p><p>'Thanks.' </p><p>Then, silence. Kepler feels the mattress dip just a little when Maxwell sits down on it. </p><p>'Any news?', Maxwell asks quietly. 'Any changes?' </p><p>Jacobi turns back to Kepler. 'Nah,' he says, 'not yet. But he's gonna wake up soon.' </p><p>Maxwell hums. 'Haven't seen him this battered before,' she comments. 'He's gonna be real pissed when he wakes up to find they punched away all his handsome.'</p><p>Jacobi snorts. 'Shut up.' </p><p>'Yeah, right, of course <em> you </em> wouldn't agree.' </p><p>'Shut up, Alana.' </p><p>'Fine, fine, shutting up.' </p><p>The two of them sit in silence for a while. Nobody in the room moves, and Kepler should really pull away his hand. </p><p>'I can't stay,' Maxwell announces after a while. 'Canaveral called. They need someone for the debriefing soon. But I'll be back in a few hours.' </p><p>'Oh?' Jacobi sounds worried. 'Give me a moment, I'm gonna-' </p><p>'No, stay. I've got this.'</p><p>There's a beat of silence. When Jacobi speaks again, Kepler can hear his raised eyebrow. </p><p>'Are you sure?' </p><p>'Yeah.' Maxwell doesn't sound like she's sure. But she also doesn't sound like she's going to have an argument with Jacobi about this. 'You just- stay here. He needs someone to complain to when he wakes up.' </p><p>'Right,' Jacobi says, and then quietly adds a, 'Thanks,' that makes Kepler's stomach turn. </p><p>'Don't thank me just yet.' Maxwell grins. 'I might just be killing us all.' </p><p>'Oh, I'm not worried about that,' Jacobi says, and everyone in the room registers that his voice is way too soft. </p><p>'We'll see,' Maxwell says. 'Don't wait for me. I'll call you when I'm done over there.' </p><p>'Best of luck, doctor,' Jacobi says in his best Kepler impression. It makes Maxwell laugh. 'Shut up, Jacobi.' </p><p>She's almost at the end of the room when she comes to a stop again.</p><p>'Hey, Daniel?', she asks, sounding perfectly casual. That's something she learned from Kepler, or at least he likes to think she did. </p><p>'Uh-huh,' Jacobi answers, only half paying attention. </p><p>'When <em> was </em>the last time you slept?'</p><p>Jacobi makes a noise halfway between <em> I don't know </em> and <em> What do you care.  </em></p><p>'We have plenty of time here, I would assume,' Maxwell says slowly. 'You have at least a few hours until anything happens with the major.' </p><p>Ha. That's where she's wrong. </p><p>This would be a very good moment to open his eyes and say something. Maxwell gave him a real fine opportunity there. </p><p>He doesn't move. </p><p>He listens. </p><p>‘Yeah,’ Jacobi says. ‘Sure. Maybe. I’ll try.’ </p><p>Maxwell doesn’t say anything for a moment. Kepler can almost hear the rolling of her eyes when she ends up muttering, ‘Liar.’ And then she’s out of the room. </p><p>Jacobi chuckles lightly, and the doctor is right. He sounds very tired. He should really sleep. Maybe Kepler should tell him-</p><p>‘You <em> are </em>going to wake up soon, right?’, Jacobi mutters, and Kepler nearly stops breathing when he realises that he’s talking to him. </p><p>God, how foolish. Jacobi should really know better than to-</p><p>He squeezes his hand. ‘If you don’t, I’m probably going to kill you,’ he says, and now he sounds so tired that Kepler almost opens his eyes.</p><p>He would have. Probably. But that’s right when Jacobi starts moving again. </p><p>He edges closer, just a little. Kepler can barely tell it’s happening. The world is still a big strange cloud that feels like it’s made out of cotton, and the only thing that seems real is Jacobi’s hand holding his. </p><p>Jacobi’s hand that’s now pulling his closer, and then Jacobi’s lips, pressing tiny kisses to Kepler’s knuckles. </p><p>It sets his skin on fire. And he should really pull his hand away. </p><p>He’s Major Warren Kepler, and Jacobi is kissing his hand. And he doesn’t say anything to make this meaningless, no stupid comment or terrible joke. He just kisses him, like there’s anything any of them can do with something this soft and this gentle. </p><p>Kepler feels his stomach turn. But he also feels his skin burning, and he doesn’t pull away, and he doesn’t open his eyes. </p><p>Not until later, at least. He waits, with the kind of patience only a coward can have, for Jacobi to put both their hands back on the bed. He waits until Jacobi’s head drops onto the mattress and he falls asleep himself. His head is almost leaning against Kepler’s ribs, but missing them by a few inches. </p><p>His breathing goes slowly, but it sounds shallow. In this state, any kind of slow movement would probably wake him up. Something that would definitely do that is the hand that Kepler is now running through Jacobi’s hair. </p><p>Kepler opens his eyes and blinks against the harsh lights on the ceiling. The room is empty and bright. There’s no one in there but the two of them. </p><p>One of his eyes is swollen shut. Maxwell must be right; he is probably not going to be amused the next time he catches a look into the mirror. Right now, though, it doesn’t matter. </p><p>Because no matter what kind of state he’s in, he can see Jacobi just fine. </p><p>(Jacobi, who threw him over his shoulder like he weighed nothing when Kepler couldn’t walk anymore and who he remembers yelling in the transport until he passed out-)</p><p>(Jacobi, who spent hours sitting at his bed waiting for him to wake up-)</p><p>(Jacobi, who Kepler made into a gun and who he really should stop seeing as anything else, because there’s absolutely no reason-)</p><p>(Jacobi, who he shouldn’t touch, at least not here, and not like this, like they are just two people that worry about each other-)</p><p>(Jacobi, who was just kissing his hand, the hand that has so much blood on it, with the kind of devotion he puts together his explosives and weapons with, and who he shouldn’t <em> touch- </em>)</p><p>Jacobi, who’s now waking up and looking at him like he isn’t sure if this is not still a dream after all.</p><p>‘Major?’, he mutters, carefully, like he’s worried he’s going to wake himself up if he says it too loudly. His eyes are wide open, looking at Kepler likes he’s looking at a- at a-</p><p>‘Is that you?’, Jacobi asks. It’s a stupid question, of course. Stupid like the hand holding onto Kepler’s, and the look on Jacobi’s face. Stupid, foolish, risky, naive. There’s many words for it. Kepler has never said any of them out loud. </p><p>Instead he says, ‘Mister Jacobi.’ His voice is hoarse. His tongue feels like sandpaper. It puts a frown on Jacobi’s face. Kepler tells himself this isn’t the reason he almost trips over his own tongue to continue talking. </p><p>‘You,’ he says, stretching out the words as much as he can, ‘look terrible.’</p><p>Jacobi blinks, once, and then his face lights up like a goddamn firework. </p><p>He grins, widely, and his shoulders drop in relief. He shakes his head, like Kepler said something funny. </p><p>It’s stupid. Foolish. Risky. Naive. There’s many words for it. </p><p>But Kepler doesn’t say any of them out loud, because now Jacobi pulls his hand away, and that’s a relief. </p><p>(A relief. That’s what it is. A relief. Not a disappointment or something that feels like loss, no, it’s none of these things, it’s just good, because he is Major Warren Kepler, and he is the one that does the touching, and that’s exactly the way-)</p><p>‘Yeah,’ Jacobi breathes, still smiling that dangerous smile that no one should ever see. </p><p>(No one, in any case, but Kepler.)</p><p>‘Yeah, I suppose I do.’ He drags a hand over his face. He hasn’t touched the coffee Maxwell brought him. It’s sitting on the beside table and it’s getting cold. </p><p>‘You don’t really look all that better, sir,’ Jacobi comments, his grin now turning into something else. Something less light and relieved and more… vicious, maybe. </p><p>Kepler remembers the first time he’s seen Jacobi smile like that. It’s not a memory he likes to think back to, mostly because it’s just as dangerous as everything else about the man. Right now, that doesn’t exactly matter to him. </p><p>‘You should see your face,’ Jacobi continues. ‘Maxwell is really worried about your ego suffering from this. I’m afraid you’re never going to get Mister Cutter’s secretary to stare at you for the usual reasons again.’ </p><p>Kepler makes a dismissive gesture, and he doesn’t manage to keep the smile off his face. ‘Please,’ he says. ‘Reports of my maiming are greatly exaggerated.’</p><p>Jacobi snorts. He doesn’t look tired anymore at all. This is something they can both deal with easily; trading back and forth jokes, comments, things that don’t mean anything and are forgotten right after they hear them. It doesn’t matter anymore, that they’re in a hospital, and the last time Kepler saw Jacobi, his vision was blurred and there was blood sticking in his eyes from the laceration on his forehead, and his breathing was going shallow and Jacobi had looked at him like <em> that.  </em></p><p>And Kepler’s hand is still in Jacobi’s hair. Jacobi doesn’t pull away. </p><p>Because this is how it’s supposed to be. Kepler touches Jacobi. Always gently, always simple. A hand on his back, an arm around his shoulder, around his neck, or sometimes in his hair. </p><p>Because Kepler knows his agents. And he knows what keeps them working. </p><p>This is the way Daniel Jacobi works. Kepler learned it early in their relationship, just how to pick him apart. </p><p>Right now, he can see Jacobi relax under the touch, because it works, because Kepler knows these things. </p><p>And if there’s something else, another reason why Jacobi responds to touch so well, another reason why Kepler keeps reaching out to him even when it’s not necessary, then no one will ever know about it.</p><hr/><p>2. Bargaining</p><p>Maxwell works completely differently. She doesn't respond to touch the way Jacobi does. It doesn't make her relax, doesn't slow her heartbeat. No, it puts her on edge. </p><p>It's one of the ways she reminds Kepler of himself, even though he never says that out loud, because he's sure she wouldn't like to hear it. </p><p>(It's still funny, though, in a way, the way she'd sounded just like he had when he was still Captain Kepler, back when he recruited her.) </p><p>(It had been a lot of work to convince her. He supposes that's where their personalities drift apart. Because it had been the easiest thing in the world for Cutter to get Kepler where he wanted him.)</p><p>It sets Maxwell on edge, makes her roll her shoulders and stand more upright, try and make herself taller. It makes her brows furrow. She never says anything about it. But it’s always there. </p><p>Except for… well. The times Jacobi touches her. But that’s a completely different story. And that’s also not what this is about. </p><p>So touching Maxwell doesn’t work the way touching Jacobi does. That’s a given. That doesn’t mean that Kepler never touches her. That also doesn’t mean- </p><p>That also doesn’t mean that- </p><p>That also doesn’t mean it’s always discomfort, the way she reacts to it. </p><p>It is, though, often enough, of course. </p><p>They’re in the half-dark in a basement and Maxwell is typing away on a computer, for example. Kepler is right next to her, like a breathing clock looming over her every breath. </p><p>'Six more minutes, Doctor,' he mutters, might as well be whispering in her ear. Maxwell pulls her shoulders up. </p><p>'Yes, sir, I know,' she says, 'I'm hearing the countdown just fine.'</p><p>She sounds annoyed, and even though Kepler doesn't know much about the kind of work she does, he notices the way her typing is frantic, like she's not concentrating right. </p><p>Kepler takes a moment for both of them to listen to Jacobi make his way through the building several floors above the two of them. Then, he puts his hands on Maxwell's shoulders. </p><p>Maxwell freezes for a split second, but she doesn't stop typing. </p><p>'Doctor,' he says, his voice perfectly calm, 'I'm only going to ask you this once.' He says the next part very slowly, makes sure Maxwell hears every single word just right.</p><p>'Can you do this in time?' </p><p>Maxwell doesn't answer immediately. She knows the risk of staying here longer just as well as Kepler does. She knows how important this mission is, as well. And she knows just how capable Jacobi is in his area of expertise.</p><p>The last thing she knows is that, no matter what happens in this basement, Kepler is not going to leave it without her. </p><p>Her shoulders drop, she almost relaxes. She says, 'Yes, sir. I can do this.' </p><p>Kepler smiles. 'Good.' He drops his hands. 'Four more minutes.' </p><p>And later, when Jacobi is speeding through the city to get away from the collapsing building and the tired starts to catch up with everyone in the car, Kepler congratulates Maxwell on the successful mission. And he doesn't touch her. </p><p>That's the kind of routine he's come to with his team, and it's effective, and it's easy, and of course it doesn't hold up for a very long time. </p><p>Because unplanned things always happen. And every once in a while, his team does manage to surprise Kepler. </p><p>They're just about to land when the pilot gives them an update. Kepler barely finds himself listening, but he gets the gist of it anyway.</p><p>And it's not like they haven't noticed the weather getting worse over the course of their flight either. Maxwell has been looking positively gray for the past hour. </p><p>They're the last flight that makes it to the airport. Everything else, incoming or outgoing, is cancelled. </p><p>'I can't believe they even let us fly here in the first place,' Maxwell mutters, more to herself than to Kepler. She's sitting by the window, watching the rain whip against the glass with a gloomy expression. 'It's a miracle if we make it to the ground in one piece.' </p><p>'I thought you didn't believe in miracles, doctor,' Kepler says absentmindedly. Maxwell shoots him a glare. </p><p>'Very funny, sir,' she says. 'I'm still right.' </p><p>'You worry too much,' Kepler says lightly. 'I've seen worse storms. Hell, I've flown through worse storms. This is more of a light shower, really.'</p><p>He leans closer to her, and Maxwell knows exactly what's coming. He can tell by the way she sits upright and by the speed with which she starts speaking. </p><p>'You know, sir, you're probably right,' she says. 'It's not that bad. Light shower, sure yep, one-hundred percent.'</p><p>'You know,' he says, mercilessly talking over her attempts to get him to shut up, 'that reminds me of something. Did I ever tell you about the belgian hurricane?' </p><p>Maxwell goes, if that's even possible, even paler. 'No sir,' she relents, the face of a broken woman. 'No, not that I remember.' </p><p>So Kepler goes on, barely listening to himself, and when he's done the plane has landed safely and Maxwell is very eager to get off. And if she's looking just a little less pale, just a little more relaxed due to being distracted from the landing, neither of them mention it. </p><p>'So,' Maxwell says on their way out of the plane, looking down at her phone. 'I just got word from Jacobi. He's still busy at the complex, he assumes for at least the next few hours.' She frowns. That's not good news. 'He says he's going to meet us at the hotel.' </p><p>'Well then,' Kepler says, 'the car should be ready for us outside. Looks like we got ourselves some off time while Mister Jacobi sorts out his tasks.' </p><p>He doesn't sound worried, of course he doesn't. Maxwell picks up on it anyway. </p><p>'This is what we get for letting him go ahead without us,' she mutters under her breath. Kepler grins, and even Maxwell smiles for a moment. </p><p>The smile dies very quickly, though, once they've made it off the plane and are standing in the middle of the airport. </p><p>'Doctor?', Kepler asks, drawing out the two syllables as slowly as he can, 'is everything alright?' </p><p>A roll of the shoulders and Maxwell takes a very deep breath.</p><p>'Of course, sir,' she says, and Kepler can tell she's gotten much better at lying since he recruited her. That doesn't matter much, however, since she's talking to the person that she's learned that skill from in the first place. Still, Maxwell tries.</p><p>'Why wouldn't it be? Anything out of the ordinary?' </p><p>'Well, no,' Kepler admits, 'nothing out of the ordinary. One might just be arguing that this place is a little more… crowded, than potentially expected.' </p><p>Maxwell rolls her eyes at the way he chooses his words. This is something he never does with Jacobi, drawing out explanations, speaking as hypothetically as possible- Maxwell always rolls her eyes at it. But she also always goes along. </p><p>Well. Except for this time, that is. </p><p>This time she just rolls her eyes and sticks her hands into the pockets of her coat. </p><p>'Is it?', she says, in that voice she's picked up from Jacobi. 'I didn't really notice, honestly.'</p><p>'Well, in that case I suppose we should get going,' Kepler says easily. 'We have places to be, after all.' </p><p>'That's what I'm saying, sir,' Maxwell agrees. </p><p>And this isn't in her file. This is not something that Goddard feels the need to know about, because it hasn't yet interfered with her work. Kepler has decided not to mention it, and now Maxwell is standing in a crowded airport and every muscle in her body is tense. </p><p>'Let's go, doctor,' Kepler commands, and he starts walking. </p><p>Maxwell follows. She's good at things like these, after all. The first time she shot someone dead her fingers weren't trembling at all. </p><p>(Jacobi's knees had been too shaky for him to walk his first time. That's something Kepler remembers very well, for no good reason except that it's useful, to know.)</p><p>So she follows. And she's doing a very good job of it, good enough for Kepler to commend her if they were on an actual mission and not just walking from one place to another. </p><p>What this means is just that there's no reason whatsoever for Kepler to do what he does next. </p><p>He slows down until Maxwell falls into step next to him, and then he reaches for her arm. </p><p>She still has her hands stuck in her pockets, her shoulders still pulled up. When he snakes his arm around Maxwell's, she stops in her tracks and looks up at him. </p><p>Kepler gives her a questioning look. 'Something wrong, doctor?' </p><p>Maxwell doesn't say anything. She looks at him for just a second too long, like she tends to. Then, she shakes her head. </p><p>'No,' she says. 'No, everything's fine. Should we go?' </p><p>'Ready when you are,' Kepler says smoothly, and Maxwell snorts and they don't think about what Jacobi would say if he could see the two of them. </p><p>Maxwell is the one that starts walking this time, pulling Kepler along through the crowd. Her body tenses every time she brushes against someone else and she never stops walking and she never stops looking ahead. </p><p>Kepler isn't even the one that pulls her. And he also doesn't flinch when they squeeze their way through a specifically tight group of people and Maxwell pulls Kepler an inch closer. He really doesn't. </p><p>Well, maybe just for a second. He's the one that usually does the touching after all. </p><p>Maxwell notices, but she doesn't mention it. She has a hand on Kepler's arm. </p><p>No one spares them a single glance. And somewhere a few hours away, Jacobi is presumably very concentrated on an intricate explosive, and he can't wait to tell Maxwell and Kepler about the work it's taking to assemble it. </p><p>Kepler smiles, briefly, at the image of Jacobi's proud expression and the rolling of Maxwell's eyes that always comes along with it. </p><p>It's good, to know what to expect from his people. It makes the work with them a whole lot easier. </p><p>And that's the only thing he's thinking about; the way it makes their work easier. Kepler knows how this goes, and he knows what matters. </p><p>(And he knows what doesn't matter.) </p><p>A few more steps and a couple more controlled and professional breaths from Maxwell and they're away from the lost crowd waiting for the storm to die and for a way to get back home. The path in front of them clears, and Maxwell's shoulders drop as she releases a breath of relief. </p><p>And Kepler waits for the second she pulls away and puts her hands back into her pockets. </p><p>The moment doesn't come. Maxwell looks just as surprised about it as Kepler feels. But she still doesn't let go. </p><p>Not until they step outside and spot the car.</p><p>'Not bad, doctor,' Kepler says, because it's a nice and peaceful moment and really, someone should go ahead and ruin it before something worse happens. </p><p>Maxwell rolls her eyes. She has her arms wrapped around herself, but both of them find themselves perfectly content blaming that on the weather. </p><p>'I have no idea what you mean sir,' Maxwell says slowly, pausing in between words in a very specific way. It's meant as a challenge, Kepler supposes. It starts to rain. </p><p>Kepler doesn't answer.</p><p>They drive in silence. They always do, when Jacobi isn't with them. Kepler doesn't usually work with silence unless the character of a mission makes it necessary. With Maxwell, he's found, it goes a little different.</p><p>He's been driving for about an hour and a half when he has a look at her on the passenger's seat. He almost laughs, but manages to swallow the sound at the last second.</p><p>The plane ride had been six hours, and Maxwell had spent all six of them biting her nails and looking at the dark clouds outside. It had almost been entertaining, in a way, to lean over and watch her flinch at every other announcement from the pilot or the crew. </p><p>Now, she's sound asleep against the window. Her hair is all over her face. She has a look on her face that Jacobi would mock her for mercilessly. </p><p>Kepler looks back on the road, and he doesn't wake her until they're parked at the hotel, and he can't for the life of him understand why. </p><hr/><p>3. Anger</p><p>The Hephaestus mission was always going to be different from the other missions Kepler has taken his team through. That's what everyone had said, at every single briefing, for weeks on end and then some months in addition. </p><p>It was always going to be different. Kepler told his team this: the mission was going to be hard. The mission was going to be complicated. </p><p>And also, just as a footnote ('Right, a footnote,' Maxwell would say to this (if she was still alive, of course, that is), 'a footnote they cite a billion different times on a billion different papers. I feel like there's a word that fits better, what about-'), it was going to be the most important mission in any of their careers. </p><p>That got them listening. Kepler remembers the smile he couldn't quite suppress at the sight of them perking up, sitting more upright, looking at him more directly. </p><p>It was going to be the most important mission in any of their careers. </p><p>That's what Jacobi and Maxwell kept in mind, that's what stayed with them. It was going to be the most important mission in any of their careers. </p><p>It was also going to be all of the other things. </p><p>Hard, complicated, whatever all the briefings said. Kepler kept them in mind, and tried to make sure his people did, too.</p><p>The fact that Maxwell and Jacobi only attended half of the meetings that Kepler did didn't exactly make it easier. </p><p>So it was going to be important. It was going to be complicated. It was going to be hard.</p><p>The three of them, no matter how much better they knew, treated it like it was going to be- well. A mission.</p><p>They were good at those. Kepler had made sure of that. </p><p>It went the way it always did: Get in, befriend, wait, and then let all hell break loose. That's how they usually do things, at least that's how Jacobi put it one late night when they were sitting on top of a roof doing not much else but taking notes. </p><p>So even though they went to space this time, even though the star was angry and blue and terrifying, not much was different about this. Maxwell and Jacobi kept their eyes peeled and Kepler...Kepler did what he always did. </p><p>They got in, they befriended (slowly, but they did), they waited, and then- well. </p><p>This time it wasn't them that let all hell break loose. </p><p>They treated it like any other mission, like something they've done a million times. </p><p>And then Maxwell died. </p><p>Kepler didn't take a lot of time to think about it. He spent his days in the brig thinking about… other things. Things that Mister Cutter would call the important questions, maybe the big picture. </p><p>(Jacobi would call these things something entirely different probably, but Kepler didn't think about <em> that </em>either.)</p><p>He didn't take a lot of time to think about it, but when he did, he always wondered. </p><p>He wondered if Maxwell would be sitting next to him, handcuffed and frustrated and <em> alive</em>, if maybe they hadn't treated this like any other mission. </p><p>If maybe they wouldn't even be here at all, licking their wounds, if they hadn't treated this like any other mission.</p><p>There was… a certain easy way Kepler could have ensured that they didn't. Jacobi shouted it in his face very soon after Maxwell died. </p><p>But Kepler supposed it didn't matter, because everything happened the way it did and there was no changing it. </p><p>Something that he feels does matter, or at least it should, in some fairer, kinder world that Kepler always figured he would never, ever be a part of, is the way Jacobi is looking at him right now. </p><p>Which is to say, of course, not at all. </p><p>He turns around for the smallest second when he registers Kepler behind him, then turns his back to him and focuses on Young. </p><p>(Probably a smart move. Kepler wouldn't leave Young out of his sight either, if he was Jacobi. Which probably means he has no reason at all to feel… uneasy, about this.)</p><p>'Oh,' Jacobi says, his voice detached and distracted. 'What do you want?' </p><p>Kepler rolls his shoulders, because neither Young nor Jacobi can see it. </p><p>His skin is itching, right at the wrist, where the skin of his arm meets the metal of Pryce's hand. It's itchy, like it's infected. Has been from the moment he got it. Kepler tries not to think too much of it. </p><p>What would Maxwell say if she was in Jacobi's place right now? If Daniel had died? </p><p>Would she even spare him a single glance? </p><p>Well. Should she?</p><p>'Jacobi,' Kepler says, and he sounds like a stranger, and not even the name sounds right on his tongue anymore. 'You okay?' </p><p>It's a stupid question, of course. What was it he had thought to himself so many times?</p><p>Stupid, foolish, risky, naive. Yeah. That's a pretty good way to describe it. </p><p>Jacobi doesn't turn around to face him. He's not standing quite right, like someone still not quite used to the new gravitational forces Cutter brought along with him on the Sol.</p><p>He has his shoulders pulled up. His hands are still shaking. </p><p>They never really stopped, ever since Minkowski pulled the trigger. </p><p>They weren't trembling at all back when Kepler had been injured and Jacobi had taken aim and shot, and not when they were holding Kepler's hands in the hospital. But that feels like an entire lifetime ago now. Neither Kepler nor Jacobi still seem like the two people in that bright and clean room. </p><p>Around here, all the rooms are dark. </p><p>Kepler doesn't think Jacobi is going to say anything, but eventually, he answers. </p><p>‘What, is the guy who got shot doing alright?’ He sounds like he’s trying to make the words biting and hurtful, but is simply too tired for it to work. He releases a breath. ‘Yeah,’ he says. ‘Fine.’ </p><p>He doesn’t <em> look </em> fine. Then again, he hasn’t looked like much of anything since-</p><p>Hmm. The mutiny. He hasn’t looked like much of anything since the mutiny. </p><p>Young says something, but it brushes right past Kepler. He can barely hear her speak. Jacobi gives her a look that makes her shut up. </p><p>He doesn’t look at Kepler, though. </p><p>Maybe he should keep his mouth shut. He’s done a good job of doing so for the past weeks, after all. There’s no reason to break his pointless silence now. </p><p>‘Thank you,’ he says. ‘For making the shot.’</p><p>Stupid, foolish, risky, naive. </p><p>Jacobi doesn’t say anything. Kepler isn’t sure why the silence feels so agonising now. There were plenty of moments, hours, full days, sometimes, when they were on the Urania and no one would say a single word. Kepler enjoys the sound of his own voice, it’s true, but that doesn’t mean that silence usually makes his skin crawl this way. </p><p>Maybe it’s a recent development. Maybe it has to do with the past few months, and the way Jacobi kept quiet during those as well, making it impossible for Kepler to think of anything else but the way time was running out for them and the way what was left of his arm never really stopped hurting, and-</p><p>Maxwell would see right through him, and his need to fill the silence. </p><p>‘And saving our lives.’</p><p>The gravity on the Sol is good for him, because it keeps Kepler on his feet properly for the first time in way too long. It’s also a problem, the way he steps closer to Jacobi and puts a hand (the real one, not Pryce’s) on his arm. </p><p>‘Are you sure you’re-’</p><p>‘I’m sorry,’ Jacobi says, and Kepler honest to god <em> flinches. </em>He finally turns around. He finally looks at Kepler. </p><p>He almost finds himself wishing he didn’t. Or maybe wishing he’d just grabbed Minkowski’s gun two weeks ago and pulled the trigger himself. </p><p>‘What is this? What the hell are you doing?’</p><p>And Kepler’s hand is still on Jacobi’s arm. He isn’t sure why he notices it. He notices nothing else around the two of them anymore. The humming of the Sol, even Young’s shark eyes might as well not exist anymore. </p><p>There’s just this. Them. Kepler’s hand on Jacobi’s arm. And Jacobi’s eyes, which aren’t even burning with fury anymore. They’re just-</p><p>Cold. Cold and empty. </p><p>‘What am I-’ Kepler’s voice catches in his throat, but it doesn’t make a difference. He still sounds exactly like Colonel Warren Kepler, and for this moment he hates it so much it makes him sick to the stomach. </p><p>But his voice changes just a moment later, and yes. That is definitely worse. </p><p>(Stupid, foolish, risky, naive.)</p><p>‘I’m concerned about-’</p><p>That makes something flicker in Jacobi’s eyes, something that looks like a volcano about to erupt. Kepler feels his hand tighten around Jacobi’s arm. </p><p>‘Oh,’ Jacobi interrupts him, ‘you’re concerned?’ He spits the word into the space between them. And Kepler doesn’t pull his shoulders up because he knows better than that. But it’s really not far from it, and Jacobi knows him well enough to tell. </p><p>(Or at least that’s what he would have assumed a few months ago.)</p><p>‘Where was your <em> concern </em> for the two weeks you let your bosses use me like a wind-up monkey?’</p><p>That’s when Jacobi pulls his arm away. Not with force, not with anger. But with- with something that almost feels like revulsion. Kepler doesn’t think Jacobi has ever looked at him this way before. </p><p>It’s the only thing Kepler is going to be able to think about later, when he leaves the Sol behind with Young next to him. He’s going to blink, shake his head when she’s not looking, and Cutter is going to ask him which of their enemies might be getting away on the Sol after all, and he’s going to answer but he’s barely going to be present, really. He’s going to be thinking about this. </p><p>Kepler didn’t lack for vision. He promised he never would, and he never did. This is what it earns him. A look of disgust from the only living, breathing person left that he’s ever really trusted with his life. </p><p>Stupid, foolish, risky, naive. He can’t afford to get sentimental now. He knows that. He knows that well. </p><p>So he looks at Jacobi and the thing on his face he’s only slowly recognising as hurt, and he scowls. </p><p>‘Oh, what was I supposed to do?’</p><p>Wrong, it’s the wrong thing to say, except it isn’t, because everything else <em> is </em>still there, even if he can’t see it, everything else is still happening. Kepler still needs to get off this ship and let everyone else fly home, and he still needs to keep Young’s eyes off him for as much time as he has, and so yes, this is wrong, this is more gasoline added to the smoldering remains of something that might have once been a bridge, and yet. </p><p>And yet. </p><p>‘How about a little bit of <em> anything </em>?’</p><p>‘And what?’, Kepler asks, intently, because maybe if he just talks for long enough Jacobi will <em> understand. </em> ‘Get myself shot? Get <em> you </em>shot? No. I played the game.’ It sounds wrong even before Jacobi interrupts him. </p><p>Jacobi shakes his head no. Kepler’s eyes fall back on his hands. They’re still shaking. Maybe, Kepler thinks, his mind repeating the thought like a broken record, maybe if he just gets to grab them, squeeze Jacobi's hands, he’s going to understand. Maybe he can make Jacobi understand. Maybe there’s still a way. Maybe there’s still something left of whatever small and fragile thing they ignored for years. Maybe-</p><p>‘That’s the lie you tell yourself,’ Jacobi says. It’s so fitting Kepler almost throws his head back and laughs, in the way that used to make Jacobi roll his eyes. But that he also never kept his gaze off. ‘The truth is that you were afraid. And the only thing you did was try to save your hide.’</p><p>And Kepler doesn’t say anything more. And he doesn’t try to touch Jacobi again. </p><p>And Jacobi turns away. </p><p>And his hands are still shaking. </p><hr/><p>4. Depression</p><p>Jacobi slams the door and immediately starts pushing desks and chairs in front of it. His movements are frantic and unconcentrated. He doesn’t look at Kepler behind him. The makeshift barricade doesn’t look like it’s going to hold for a very long time. </p><p>‘That doesn’t look like it’s going to hold for a very long time.’</p><p>Jacobi pulls his shoulders up. He turns to Kepler. His eyes are dark with… not fury. Kepler can tell the difference, even though it’s hard to spot. He’s afraid. </p><p>‘I know that, sir,’ he says, keeping his voice controlled. It looks like it’s taking a lot of effort. ‘How much time do we have?’</p><p>‘I was just about to ask you the same thing, Mister Jacobi.’</p><p>Just when he’s finished the sentence, there’s a bang coming from the other side of the door. Jacobi jumps at the sound. ‘How,’ he says, ‘are you so calm right now?’</p><p>Kepler doesn’t answer. He puts Maxwell’s limp body down on one of the other lab desks. He takes her pulse. Jacobi steps closer, slowly. </p><p>‘Is she gonna be-’ He trails off. He’s fidgeting with the detonator still in his hand.</p><p>‘Careful with that,’ Kepler says quietly. There’s no point in doing so; if there’s anyone that knows what he’s doing at the moment, it’s Jacobi with the detonator. </p><p>‘Answer the question.’</p><p>‘We need to find a way to get out of here, now,’ Kepler says slowly. ‘Or none of us are going to be okay.’</p><p>Jacobi opens his mouth to talk back, and Kepler puts both hands on his shoulders. It makes Jacobi freeze. </p><p>‘Jacobi,’ Kepler says. ‘I know. But I need you to concentrate now. You need to get us out of here, and I’ll take care of the rest. Do you understand?’</p><p>Jacobi takes a deep breath, and Kepler almost expects him to keep arguing. Instead, a whole lot of tension leaves his body and he says, ‘Yes, sir.’</p><p>‘Good,’ Kepler says. He doesn’t look at Maxwell. He rolls his shoulders. He checks his gun; he still has a couple shots left. He’s going to need to make them count. ‘What are our options?’</p><p>Jacobi breathes. He’s making fists with his hands, presumably to stop them from shaking. ‘I don’t know the blueprints as well as I’d need to,’ he admits. ‘That job was…’ He trails off. Both of them know anyway who had taken care of that. ‘But if I remember correctly, there should be a back door at the south side of the building.’</p><p>‘How sure are you?’, Kepler asks. If they make their way through a building full of enemy forces only to end up at a dead end, it won’t matter how capable Goddard’s medical experts are. They’re all going to die. </p><p>Jacobi hesitates, bites his lip. Then he says, ‘I’m sure. Sir.’</p><p>‘Good. Where do we need to go? Not through where we came from, I hope?’</p><p>Jacobi shakes his head. He points to one of the other doors in the lab. </p><p>Kepler nods. ‘That’s good,’ he says slowly. </p><p>‘The building is still going to be full of security,’ Jacobi says. ‘No matter where we’re going, we’re almost certainly going to be attacked. Again.’</p><p>Another nod. Kepler hands Jacobi his gun. ‘You cover me. Make every shot count.’ </p><p>Jacobi’s breaths are shaky, but he takes the gun. </p><p>‘There’s also the bomb,’ he continues. ‘Since they’re alert now, it’s only going to be a matter of time before they find it.’</p><p>‘Then we should hurry,’ Kepler says. He sounds perfectly casual, like they’re talking about going to the park on a Sunday afternoon. Jacobi is way too afraid to notice anything amiss. </p><p>‘How fast can you make it-’</p><p>‘Fast,’ Jacobi interrupts him. ‘Don’t worry about that, boss.’</p><p>‘Alright,’ Kepler says. ‘I won’t, then.’ He waves Jacobi ahead. ‘Let’s go.’</p><p>The racing in his mind only comes to a halt the second before he picks Maxwell back up. She’s still bleeding, but it has slowed down. Even if he did have the time to think about how long she has left, he’d have no way of telling like this. </p><p>It’s probably good she isn’t conscious right now. It’s her first time getting shot, and this looks like a particularly painful one. </p><p>He brushes a strand of hair out of her face before blinking once and picking her back up. </p><p>Jacobi is watching Kepler, like he’s trying to make sense of him. </p><p>Both of them should be much busier trying to make sense of the situation they’re in, and how the hell they managed to mess it up this badly. </p><p>‘If she dies, she’s going to kill you,’ Jacobi says. It’s a joke, but it falls flat. The look on his face is too open, too afraid. </p><p>This is Maxwell’s third mission in the field. Neither of them say that out loud. </p><p>‘Lead the way, Mister Jacobi.’</p><p>Jacobi does. </p><p>And he does an excellent job of it, as well. No matter if he actually studied the blueprints during their preparation or just looked over Maxwell’s shoulder for a while, he knows the building more than well enough. Every guard that they meet gets a clean shot right between the eyes. He doesn’t even get distracted by the blaring alarms and the way the lights above them are flickering. </p><p>Kepler is going to commend him for all this once they make it out alive. Once they all make it out alive. </p><p>Kepler keeps a hand on Maxwell’s head and presses her to his chest. </p><p>She would hate this. He decides to think about that later. </p><p>Jacobi throws himself against the door without hesitation once they arrive at it and then they're running out into the night onto a dimly lit parking lot.</p><p>The getaway car is parked on the other side of the building. There’s no time to get to it, so Jacobi pops open a hood of one of the cars and gets it to start. </p><p>It’s just that moment when they start shooting at them through the windows.</p><p>‘Fuck,’ Jacobi mutters. </p><p>‘Jacobi,’ Kepler commands, ‘back seat. Take Maxwell, keep pressure on the wound. Do not let go.’</p><p>‘Yes, sir,’ Jacobi says, and when they’re all in the car and Kepler is driving as fast as the night allows, Jacobi finally pushes the button for the detonator. </p><p>Kepler sees the building collapse in the rearview mirror. They’re still dangerously close. The car is shaken for a few seconds. Kepler only goes faster. </p><p>He looks at the fire behind them and then his eyes wander to Jacobi. </p><p>Jacobi is… passionate about his job, always has been. The same goes for Maxwell and Kepler, of course. Goddard Futuristics is not likely to be interested in people that aren’t. Jacobi, though, has always been a little different. He finds glee in the destruction he creates. The only times Kepler has seen him really, truly happy, were those moments; a fire, a bang, and a big building full of compromising data slowly collapsing to the ground. He always catches a look at it, no matter in how much of a hurry they are. </p><p>(Kepler used to scold him for it, but he doesn’t anymore. These days, he mostly just watches Jacobi watch his work unfold.)</p><p>Now, he’s not paying attention at all. He doesn’t even seem to hear the bang. It makes Kepler’s ears ring, but Jacobi doesn’t even flinch. His eyes are fixed to Maxwell. </p><p>He has his arms wrapped around her, his hands on her stomach, white-knuckled and already covered in blood. His jaw is tense. </p><p>‘Jacobi,’ Kepler says, and then nothing else. Jacobi doesn’t look up. They sit in silence until they’re on the highway. </p><p>(The driving is making this easier. This is something he has complete control over. He knows exactly where to go, how to get there. He’s not going to be too late.)</p><p>(‘I’ll take care of the rest.’ That’s what he told Jacobi. And he intends to do so. This, he knows how to do.)</p><p>‘That was some quick thinking back there,’ he says eventually. Jacobi still doesn’t look up. He doesn’t say anything, until a few minutes later, when he blinks up at Kepler for a moment so short he almost misses it. </p><p>‘How much longer?’</p><p>‘Minutes,’ Kepler promises. Jacobi nods. </p><p>Both of them freeze in their movements for a second when Maxwell stirs, her face twists in pain and she mutters something neither of them understand. ‘Alana,’ Jacobi says with a firm voice. ‘It’s okay. You’re safe. You have nothing to fear.’ </p><p>Kepler doesn’t say anything. It’s bad enough that it’s taken him several minutes to stop his hands from shaking. </p><p>The doctor doesn’t answer. She almost certainly can’t hear Jacobi. He looks up to Kepler now. Kepler holds eye contact through the rearview mirror, and he says, ‘Minutes’, again. Jacobi nods. </p><p>They make it to the hospital. Kepler is the one that carries Maxwell inside, not for a second thinking about anything at all. </p><p>They take her away. Nothing about this mission has made any sense, but the thing that confuses him the most is the way he almost refuses to let them, almost refuses to let her go. Jacobi stands next to him. It’s what makes Kepler’s shoulders sink and the tension bleed out of him. </p><p>Alright. That’s over with. The mission is done. It didn’t exactly go as planned, but the building is blown up and Maxwell even managed to extract the data before she passed out. </p><p>(Kepler doesn’t think anything could stop Alana Maxwell from achieving her directive. Not a bullet to the stomach, not a gun to the head, not a fucking nuclear explosion.)</p><p>(He’s going to have to commend her for this as soon as she wakes up.)</p><p>They did a good- well. They did a good enough job. They didn’t even die, not one of them. </p><p>Not yet. </p><p>No, wrong. None of them are going to die. Because Kepler drove fast enough to break the sound barrier, and Jacobi’s hands are most certainly cramping painfully from how tight he’s pressed down on Maxwell’s wound. Jacobi armed so well at everyone in the building. He’s kept perfectly calm for so long. So no. None of them is going to die. He’s not going to let them. </p><p>‘Okay,’ Jacobi says next to him. ‘Okay. What do we do now?’</p><p>There’s plenty to do. Kepler has the flash drive he took from Maxwell just before she passed out in the pocket of his jacket. Right next to his phone. He’s going to need to call Canaveral, and give an extensive report of what happened and receive instructions on what’s next. </p><p>‘Now we wait,’ he says. </p><p>‘Wait,’ Jacobi repeats. ‘Alright.’ </p><p>Kepler looks down at Jacobi. He doesn’t return the gaze, still looking at the hospital hallway they wheeled Maxwell down two minutes ago. ‘Jacobi, you-’ Kepler clears his throat. Jacobi gets the message, and looks up at him. </p><p>‘You did good today,’ Kepler says lamely. Jacobi looks like he would make fun of Kepler if he wasn’t so tired. ‘Maxwell is going to be alright, and it’s because of you. You can be- proud. Of yourself.’</p><p>It comes out all wrong and sloppy.</p><p>Jacobi blinks up at him. And that’s when it catches up to him. </p><p>He’s still covered in Maxwell’s blood. His jacket and his shirt are soaked. He drags a hand across his face and slumps against Kepler’s shoulder. He looks like he hasn’t slept in three days. </p><p>Kepler has a last look down the corridor, then he puts an arm around Jacobi and turns him around. Jacobi doesn’t question where they’re going for a second, just lets Kepler walk him outside the hospital, away from the curious eyes of nurses bored during their night shift. </p><p>They walk all the way back to the car, but Kepler doesn’t get in. He simply leans against it, and lets Jacobi lean against him. </p><p>Jacobi’s breathing evens out after a while. Kepler wouldn’t be surprised if he fell asleep; it wouldn’t be the first time he managed to do so on his feet. </p><p>The fingers he cards through Jacobi’s hair are sticky with Maxwell’s blood.  </p><p>He grants them twenty minutes of silence before he nudges Jacobi awake and sends him back inside so he can make the call to Canaveral. </p><hr/><p>5. Acceptance</p><p>'Maxwell,' Jacobi says from the other side of the room. 'I swear to god, if you open a window in here, I'm going to kill you.'</p><p>At the window, Maxwell crosses her arms in front of her chest. She's very ready to argue. Just as she opens her mouth, though, she's interrupted by the sound of a very fast succession of sneezes coming from the bed.</p><p>From where Kepler is leaning against the doorframe, the corners of his mouth twitch. </p><p>Jacobi only scowls and points at the full-on grin on Maxwell's face. 'Shut up!', he says. 'This is your fault!' </p><p>Maxwell throws up her hands. 'How is <em> that </em> my fault?' </p><p>'If you hadn't taken so goddamn long to get through the firewall-' </p><p>'Oh, I took a long time?' Maxwell takes one, two steps towards where Jacobi is sitting on the bed, wrapped in one of the thin hotel blankets. 'I'm so sorry, Daniel dearest, maybe next time <em> you </em>would like a try-' </p><p>Instead of returning a cutting remark, Jacobi hurls a pillow at her. </p><p>Before this can escalate to another pillow fight, Kepler steps into the room. </p><p>'Alright, that's enough, both of you,' he says. 'Maxwell, you can open the window after Mister Jacobi has fallen asleep.' </p><p>Maxwell is about to say something to that, and Jacobi also looks like he has an opinion. Kepler silences them with a look. </p><p>Jacobi sneezes again. </p><p>Kepler takes a very deep and quiet breath. 'One night,' he says. 'We're going to stay here for one night. Do you think I can trust two of the most skilled agents Goddard has to offer to not kill each other for one night?'</p><p>'You're going to need to tell him that, not me, because I'm not the one that-' </p><p>'<em>Maxwell.'  </em></p><p>Maxwell leans against the window. She crosses her arms in front of her chest. She says, very deliberately, 'Yes, sir.' </p><p>'Thank you,' Kepler says in the exact same tone. 'Now that that's out of the way-', he turns to Jacobi, who blurts out a 'Yes, sir!', that makes Maxwell snort. </p><p>'Jacobi,' Kepler drawls, and then pauses just to see the look on Jacobi's face. Instead of anything interesting or amusing, all that Kepler gets is another sneeze. 'You did a fine job today. That deployment could have gone very wrong very quickly without your quick thinking. That being said,' he adds sharply, wiping Jacobi's grin off his face, 'that doesn't mean you get a complaining bonus. There's no complaining. That means there's no complaining bonus.'</p><p>'Well, I'm cold,' Jacobi complains, adding the 'Sir,' as an afterthought. </p><p>'Then warm up.' </p><p>Jacobi looks down at himself, at the blanket wrapped around him, and gives Kepler another pointed look. </p><p>'Take off your shoes,' Kepler orders, 'get in bed. Take Maxwell's blanket.' </p><p>'Excuse me?' Maxwell has walked away from the window and is now standing right next to Kepler. She opens her mouth, no doubt to complain, and Kepler turns to her. </p><p>'Doctor Maxwell,' he says. 'You also did good today. That was a tough firewall to crack, and I'm pretty sure you made it through there more quickly and efficiently than any other employee at Goddard could have.'</p><p>Maxwell stands a little more upright at that, like every time she's proud of an accomplished mission. This one <em> was </em>quite of a challenge after all, and an unexpected one as well. Kepler supposes she can afford to be proud of it, for tonight, at least. That doesn't mean he's finished talking. </p><p>(Jacobi sneezes again. Everyone in the room ignores it.)</p><p>'However,' he says, and Maxwell refuses to let her shoulders slump at his tone, 'do you know what that doesn't give you?' </p><p>'Is it perhaps a complaining bonus, sir?', Maxwell asks.</p><p>Jacobi snorts. Kepler gives him a withering look and turns back to Maxwell. He ignores the smile on her face. </p><p>'Precisely, doctor. You don't get a complaining bonus. And,' he raises a finger, 'you don't get my permission to pick a pointless fight with your teammates, either. You both did some good work today, and overcame quite the challenge. You know why?'</p><p>He doesn't give them the time to answer. 'The reason is that you <em> didn't </em>spend your time trying to kill each other. I understand that that's an impressive feat, so this might be too much to ask, but try to keep it up until we're back at Canaveral, alright?' </p><p>He thinks about coming up with a colorful threat to underline this, but the mission is over and they <em> did </em> complete it very well, and he's almost sure the fact that it was a lot more complicated than mentioned in the briefing wasn't an accident. If this was a test from Mister Cutter, then Kepler and his people passed it. There's not really a reason for much force at this point, anymore. </p><p>'Fine,' Maxwell says, 'but I'm not sleeping without a blanket.' </p><p>Now, Kepler breaks out into a grin. 'Feel free to take mine, I suppose, doctor.' </p><p>He's not stupid. If there's one thing he knows, it's that Jacobi and Maxwell are not going to need two blankets tonight. </p><p>Come to think of it, he barely remembers the last time they <em> didn't </em>sleep in the same bed. Must have been one of the earlier missions, when Maxwell wouldn't sleep at all, her blood still pumping adrenaline through her body and her hands shaking like they usually only do after her seventh cup of coffee. </p><p>Jacobi sneezes again. 'Goddamnit,' he mutters. 'I hate being sick.' </p><p>'Take your shoes off, Daniel,' Maxwell says with a sudden display of patience. She leaves Kepler's side and sits down on the edge of Jacobi's bed instead. 'You better not stay awake half the night staring at the ceiling again. It's kinda hard to sleep when I can <em> hear </em>the gears in your brain turn, you know that?'</p><p>She kicks off her own shoes and pulls her knees to her chest. She doesn't take Kepler's blanket off his bed, even though Jacobi did take hers. </p><p>'You're one to talk,' Jacobi says sourly. But he pulls Maxwell closer to him anyway and drapes his two blankets around both their shoulders. </p><p>'Keep your feet away from me,' Maxwell warns him, and he just grins. </p><p>'How else am I gonna get them warm?' </p><p>'I don't care how, just leave me alone with them.'</p><p>'You ever stop to consider that maybe you deserve this?' </p><p>'Believe me, Daniel, every morning I wake up and wonder what I've done to deserve this.' </p><p>Jacobi snickers, and then sneezes again. </p><p>It doesn't take them very long to fall asleep after that. Ten, maybe fifteen minutes pass and they're breathing in tandem, lying next to each other. </p><p>Maxwell's hair is all over Jacobi's face. He doesn't seem to mind much. </p><p>Kepler doesn't open the window. He just stands there for a few more minutes, and then, when the tired catches up to him and he shivers, he walks over to the bed. </p><p>He doesn't really have a reason to linger here. It's been a long night, and it's going to be a very long drive tomorrow. He should sleep. </p><p>He sits down at the edge of the bed, pressing one palm flat to the mattress. </p><p>Jacobi and Maxwell don't wake up, so Kepler stays where he is. </p><p>They almost nearly look peaceful. It's almost paradox, considering the things they did today. </p><p>Kepler doesn't smile. He never really does, when no one can see him. When there's no performance to perfect. </p><p>No, he doesn't smile, and he doesn't tilt his head to the side in a fond manner, either.</p><p>That's not what he does. Because he's a gun, he's a weapon, or maybe they all are, all the three of them a single gun and Kepler is the trigger. Something like that.</p><p>They're all one single monster. Warren Kepler is the teeth. That sounds right. That's something he can take in his hands and carry around until the next time he-</p><p>In his sleep, Jacobi's nose twitches. He doesn't sneeze. Kepler holds his breath for a second, then shakes his head. </p><p>One gun. One trigger. </p><p>One monster. One set of teeth. </p><p>Cutter would be proud of them. He usually is, because if you didn't make Marcus Cutter proud, you weren't going to be an employee at Goddard for a very long time, and yes, there's plenty of more awful implications from where that comes from. </p><p>He would be proud at their precision, at their dedication. Maybe he would even tell them these things, once they've made it to Canaveral.</p><p>He would be proud of their intuition. Of the way they took on whatever unplanned things this mission threw them and turned it into something they could work with. </p><p>He, most likely, would also be proud of their detachment. The way Jacobi's face hadn't even twitched when he pressed the button that was going to collapse the building with everyone inside. The way Maxwell simply wiped the blood of the person in whose brain she'd just put a bullet through from her face and kept walking on steady feet. </p><p>He would be proud of them for that. Or at least content with it. </p><p>What would he have to say to <em> this</em>?</p><p>Kepler doesn't smile. But he doesn't exactly frown either. </p><p>And he's very tired. But he doesn't move away. </p><p>Somehow, after minutes of silence (he'd say peace, but that's another luxury he can't exactly afford these days), he falls asleep. He doesn't remember it, but he must, because he wakes up on his back and blinks up at the ceiling of the dark hotel room hours later.</p><p>It takes a moment for things to resurface in his brain, dates, names, cities. A moment before he's sure where he is, and what he's doing here, and why he's doing it. </p><p>That's not exactly a good sign. He usually wakes up alert. He usually wakes up present. He also usually wakes up with the gun he likes to keep under his pillow in his hand. </p><p>This time, it takes him way too long to realise the weight pressing down on him. When he does, every part of his body tenses. He doesn’t jump, doesn’t move. Only his fingers curl, but there’s not a gun to close around to protect him from whatever is in the room with him. </p><p>Then he hears a pattern of breathing. Then a second pattern. And then everything else falls into place. </p><p>‘Oh,’ he breathes, but it’s so quiet he can’t even hear it himself. </p><p>Next to him, Maxwell shifts in her sleep. Her face is pressing against Kepler’s ribs and one of her hands is resting on his stomach. </p><p>Kepler turns his head, almost careful, like he doesn’t want to disturb his people’s sleep (which is foolish, because he knows them, and he knows that when they’re together, there’s very few things that are going to startle them awake), and sees Jacobi next to her. </p><p>His chest is resting against Maxwell’s back, and her hair waves ever so slightly every time he breathes out. He has an arm over Maxwell’s body, reaching all the way around her, his hand resting on Kepler’s chest. <br/>It’s a weight, but it’s light and it’s simple, and breathing around it is easy. </p><p>No one is going to mention this in the morning. Kepler usually wakes up before Jacobi and Maxwell do. He’s the one that packs the bags and makes sure there’s nothing incriminating left behind in the room before they’re all ready to go back- hmm. Home. </p><p>(Jacobi calls it home, either way. Maxwell hasn’t quite gotten there yet, but with the way she leans against Jacobi’s shoulder when they’re next to each other on the backseat, Kepler assumes it’s only a matter of time.)</p><p>(Kepler doesn’t call it anything. Why would he? He knows what the place is more than well enough.)</p><p>So no. No one is going to mention this in the morning. Just like they’re not going to mention it all the other times. It’s going to be a quiet drive, unless Kepler finds another story to tell.</p><p>But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have this right now. Wether or not he actually can, he does have it. It’s what he’s going to think of every single time he wakes up like this, until he wakes up to a cold room and an empty pair of eyes in a place very far away from here. </p><hr/><p>5+1.</p><p>And then the door rattles closed and Kepler is right where he belongs. </p><p>Well. The airlock is certainly a surprise. He supposes he shouldn't have taken all this time. </p><p>Even when he was still walking Young to the airlock, with no one on the entire station suspecting anything, his stupid heart was beating faster than it had in years. Every look she gave him was the one that made her figure it out, in his head, at least. Every time she opened her mouth, it was going to be the last time he ever heard someone speak.</p><p>But she couldn't tell at all. She simply said, 'We're changing what humanity can be.' </p><p>She believed it. And, what mattered even more, she believed Kepler. </p><p>And yet. He'd taken his time with Young, didn't shoot her right between the eyes. He didn't do it to silence her, at least not only. He wanted her to know. </p><p>Stupid, foolish, risky-</p><p>His mind trails off. It doesn't matter anymore. </p><p>'Well,' he says, 'in that case.' </p><p>He reaches into his pocket, with the wrong hand, Pryce's hand. He's avoided using it since he got it, but he supposes there's not much worse it can do to him now. </p><p>He hears Young's breathing outside the door, frantic and choked. </p><p>'Good scotch should never go to waste.' </p><p>Kepler turns towards the outer door. He can see it through the window, very faint and very far away. </p><p>The star. </p><p>He tilts back his head and drinks, drinks until the bottle is empty. </p><p>And then his mind is just dizzy enough to not be afraid, and he's just aware enough to be proud of what he did, and he looks down at his two mismatched hands and thinks to himself that this must be just fine. That he can die like this. He's done as planned. All his other bridges are burned, and Alana Maxwell is dead. </p><p>The only thing that's left is the star. </p><p>'Damn good stuff,' he mutters to himself. 'Damn good.'</p><p>It must be fitting, that the last thing he hears before he dies is his own voice, his own meaningless words. </p><p>He puts a hand on the door and thinks of Commander Minkowski. Of the restraining bolt lodged into the back of her skull, making her walk inside the airlock with a vacant smile on her face. </p><p>Had coming to in the room felt like this? Had looking out to space felt this final to her? Did she-</p><p>Did she-</p><p>Was she afraid? </p><p>He thinks of Commander Minkowski, except no, that's not true at all. He doesn't think of Minkowski.</p><p>He thinks of them. </p><p>It's been a long time since the last time the three of them were there, in that dark hotel room. Or in the hospital, with the smell of coffee in the air. Or in the car, with Jacobi's hand on Maxwell's first gunshot wound. </p><p>It doesn't really matter where. All he wants is-</p><p>The airlock door cracks open. There's a creak, seemingly louder than anything he's ever heard, and then there's silence. </p><p>And so Warren Kepler's story ends.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thanks for reading</p></blockquote></div></div>
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